[SenorJalapeno]

Lol! Its wonderful to play in the rain. Unfortunately, it rains on days when I have to attend meetings and stuff. Bollywood bozos play in fake rain and get dried up right away. I like to sit in the park in soaking wet clothes. Feels awesome.

[SenorJalapeno]

Now I'm speechless. Can't remember the last time you let me win anything! Thank you for the charity, kind woman!

[SenorJalapeno]

Define me? Lmao! Hot under the collar it is going to be this summer from what I hear! We have had rain in January but not on days when I could play. Sucks!

[SenorJalapeno]

No ma'am. Like moth to flame…like moth to flame!

[SenorJalapeno]

Well, really now? Did you hear it with your lips or did you hear it with your ears? Seems to me someone heard it quite a bit and for quite a while. Call others incorrigible will you? Lmao! You should come with a proximity warning, person above me.

[SenorJalapeno]

Woman you invented incorrigible. Quit blaming others for something that is exclusively yours.

[SenorJalapeno]

Run into any muscadine wine recently person above me?

[SenorJalapeno]

Dead animals don't talk much. How would I know? But, I do fancy the idea of someday saying to my medium-well steak: 'How about that? You taste just like your cousin.' Lmao!

[SenorJalapeno]

Dadgum it! That was the color I wanted it to be. Lol!

[SenorJalapeno]

Lol! Seriously, I prefer not to, but occasionally, when I am standing in a line and it gets too boring I call up a friend and say stuff like, 'Honey, if the kids are giving you that much trouble, drown them in the pool one by one and we will say they fell in accidentally.' You should see the stares I get Lmao!

Which number is easier for you to give to strangers? Your home number or your mobile?

[SenorJalapeno]

What
are you guys talking about? What’s
bright?

[SenorJalapeno]

Do you discuss private details with someone over the mobile while you are in a public place?

[SenorJalapeno]

I will grab the tail and you pound the dragon on the head, person above person above me. After we are done, we can blame it on the person between us. Sound like a plan?

[SenorJalapeno]

Sheesh Woman! Hmm…would I rather be a lazy-ass or a greedy-pig Lmao! What a choice. But, sadly, as much as I love food, I choose sweat stains!

Pillow-fight on the law with sprinklers on OR Ketchup-balloon fight with wearing white togas?

[SenorJalapeno]

Attention! Persons above me! I am about to go slay me a dragon…a pink one! Who is with me?

[SenorJalapeno]

Both!

Choose one: Sit next to the one that reeks like an onion or Talk to the one who smells like a sewer?

[SenorJalapeno]

Before or after they get stuck in you inner ear?

[SenorJalapeno]

Its not just the laughter and the contortions! When I get tickled, my body goes violent and I lose control over my limbs and start kicking every which way. My family can attest to the fact- they do not tickle me anymore.

[SenorJalapeno]

During High School, we lived in a quiet little neighbourhood named after Mahatma Gandhi, in a large tiled-roof house with imposing verandas opening into a vegetable garden née backyard, overlooking a short brick-wall. Nature's painted nails had peeled off most of its plaster over time and proclaimed it a sanctuary of sorts for moss, mould and a few Sacred Fig saplings that sprouted from bird droppings and persevered three boys' untiring efforts to kill them with copious amounts of fresh urine delivered diligently each morning.

Just behind the wall were three scrawny coconut trees that were in truth, more 'trunk' than 'tree,' their scarce palms stiff from the sweltering summer heat, each looking every bit the retired Jawan whose kindred folk make special appearances every January the 26th and August the 15th at the local NCC Outpost, sporting the all too familiar albeit graying army cut glistening with generous mess of Dabur Amla Oil.

Late each afternoon, beyond the 'stand at ease' pensioners, from Pavuralu Rangarao Garu's thatched roof house one could hear carefully chosen melodies from the sixties and seventies via the 'National Panasonic' Two-In-One Radio Cassette Recorder-Player that his son-in-law had brought with him from Kuwait, where he worked as a Bulldozer operator. Since he was the only one who owned a Cassette Recorder-Player (besides my father, who being a conservative Christian never watched movies, television or listened to movie songs), Rangarao garu's favourite songs became my favourite songs as well.

It was on one such memorable afternoon, while I was plucking tender Karvepaku for the evening's Pappucharu on my mother's orders, I first heard this song. Before Balu's matchless voice began to repeat the opening lines, my thoughts travelled to my aunt's village in a remote part of West Godavari, and to the small Shaukarikottu on the corner of her street, where an elderly woman sold Kobbarundalu, Mamudithandri, and Panchadari Chilukalu, among other things.

Must you know, it was neither affection for my aunt, nor my passion for things sweet, that sped my heart so…it was for the woman's grand-daughter…who sat quietly in the back of the shop each afternoon. I do not know if it were the brilliant colours of her half-saree, or the dainty 'Mukkupuduka,' that complimented her delicate features, but to this day, each time I hear the song, I have the unmistakable taste of a Panchadari Chiluka in my mouth and the indelible memory of that girl in my heart.

So, Boo, I offer you the song- 'Chuttu Chengavi Cheera' from the 1979 movie, 'Thoorpu Velle Railu.' You are not alone. You have many friends here, whom you have never met nor seen, who think of you; for as long as you are in someone's fond thoughts, you are never, never, alone.

Chuttu chengaavi cheera kattaale chilakammaa
Chuttu chengaavi cheera kattaale chilakammaa
Bottu kaatuka petti ne katte paatanu chutti
Aasapade kallallo oosulaadu vennelabomma

Tella cheerakandam nuvve tevaale chittemmaa
Nalla cheera kattukunnaa navvaale chinnammaa
Erra cheera kattukunte sandepoddu nuvvammaa
Paccha cheera kattukunte panta chenu sirivammaa

Neredu palla rangu jeeraade kucchillu
Oorinche oohalo telaade paravallu
Vanga pandu rangulona pongutaayi sogasulu
Vanne vanne cheeralona nee olle harivillu

[SenorJalapeno]

Noogie. Wedgies are awful!

Walking around with your zipper undone or your bra-strap showing?

[Author]

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