[kavita_0026]

I dont know what to think anymore. On Friday, I logged online in yahoo and sent a pm to a friend whom I met online about 2 years ago through a Krishna Conscious person(too, from online). At first, we all use to have conferences and chant and talk about God and any other things. However, after a couple of months we just… didnt come online that much and all and we didnt get to talk to each other much. Maybe every now and then. But the times when she and I did talk, we did share alot of things about ourselves. And there was a moment in time in which I felt she was like my twin or something … I mean, this similarity, it was just so strong. I even asked her if she was my twin because some of the things she told me, I did the same things. And a week ago, I sent her an email telling her that we can still keep better contact, maybe through phone. We could have been really good friends, even she said it. But she hardly came online. Why didnt I ask her for her phone number earlier??? Why did I ask for it … the week right before ..

So, I logged on yahoo on Friday and saw her id online. So, I didnt see her online in like sooo long so I sent her a pm. I was so happy to see her there. The reply I got was … 'She c .. s .. (gosh I cant even say it) she took her own life and investigations are being done. Excuse us, we are in the middle of something.'

I mean…? What is this? She's my friend I need to know.. I need information.

I dont know… If it did happen, it cant be undone. But … I mean… how could it ?

[kavita_0026]

So …. SAM *grins* … you have a sorta natural 'im smiling' kinda look? How interesting ^_^

So … even when you're sad… you appear to be ..happy? Whoa there Sammy

[kavita_0026]

Well atleast your giving smiles is self serving.

hehe if only those street walkers knew where those smiles were coming from

well, the important thing is that you're soaking into the experience!! and thats the way to go hm?

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you okay hun?

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Yup..can be a good feeling … but there are many people who won't smile back at you… they'd just give a cold look … or a 'im in a rush, no time for smiles' look ; I wish everyone can be nice to everyone … but thats impossible … where Earth is concerned .. for sure

[kavita_0026]

Aww… let it all out, let it all out.

.

.

I feeeeeeeel happppppppppyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy …. why arent the smiley faces working????!!?!?!! Gosh!

Rides for no reason.. are so much fun! hehe

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lmao

Senor, you hold a special place in these girls' fun filled hearts hehe

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Howdy guys

Rani, how have you been keeping up hun?

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Quote:

The things… the places… the people that I used to find comfort in are now the cause of my discomfort. And I don't know how to change it…

Maybe if you avoid them for now[temporary], that discomfort won't be present[?]

.. but then another kind of discomfort may emerge.

Rani, if you feel like there has to be change, and if you have the power to change stuff, then try to change stuff … but dont blame yourself when things dont work out … none of us know the absolute future of our actions.

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Chew the chocolate!

same thing for candies … rather to suck them or chew them up ?

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huh? there's a chicken lollipop?

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*gives person above me a biggg hug*

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yourself

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Hey

The best actor is

.

Shahrukh Khan – of course!!

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Wow Ninja, you wrote this? You're good!!

Rani, hun, just wanted to knw how you were doing?

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haha..i dont believe i even visited this thread much

but i see it was left behind..a long time ago!

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Oh my girls, shall I tell you to cool down? What did the buddha do anyway? Or areyou girls just using him for a stress reliever… or more better… a straight up fun time! *lol at Rani … with the comfy chair*

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Quote:

You guys are right. I can only do so much for my friends, and I do what I can. If they don't appreciate it, then it's not my fault. I'm sick and tired of blaming myself for everything. I'm sick and tired of it. I can't take it anymore. I feel like I'm always saying sorry for things that are out of my control! If the situation is out of your control, the only thing you can do is to say sorry for the situation itself. And in addition to that, give support to the person in the situation. But if its not in your control hun (which im assuming most of your friends' problems are not in your control), you should never blame yourself. You stand there with that friend and you support them, and give them advice, etc etc … why must you blame yourself for making them feel better ?! They should feel blessed to have someone like you!

I'm sick of being ignored. All of my friends have ignored me at one point in time when I opened up to them. If I had something to say, they just brush it off, ignore it, or reply to it hekka weirdly like “oh.” I mean what the heck? You feel sick of being 'ignored' because friendship is a relationship of reciprocity, where there is some mutual thing going on … where both people give and accept. The important thing here is to really be true to yourself and evaluate your prosocial behavior ; doesnt helping out serve some function to you? [in addition to your friends]. Im sure it makes you feel like a good person… you know helping out others. Another important thing – express your feeling! Tell your friends exactly what you feel and explain to them why you feel shuned! Misunderstandings and hiding significant feelings will get you no where.

I know I have flaws, I know I make mistakes, but for how long, how long, will I keep blaming myself? I'm the only one who ever says it's my fault wholeheartedly. I'm the only one ready to apologize. I'm the only one willing to forgive. I'm the only who tries to be a better friend. I'm the only one who cares enough to talk about it. I'm the only one who wants things the way they were before everything got messed up. I'm the only one all alone. Rani, I have to say…. with this desire that you have … it shows how much of a wonderful, dedicated, genuine, true friend you are and willing to be. Your friends ought to be blessed that they have a golden friend like you. You should NOT be so hard on yourself, especially when you know that you are trying your hardest and your best. Dont strike yourself so hard. Give yourself compliments for trying so hard.

What is wrong with me? I sit here blaming myself for everything that goes wrong and everyone else is sitting there agreeing! Why is everythign my fault? How is everything my fault? It can't be! I try and I try and I try, why don't things get better? Because you can't play tug-of-war with one side pulling the rope, I need someone else to pull on the other end to even things out! No matter how “perfect” I get, things won't get better unless the other side shapes up. Exactly! Reciprocity! Rani, you can NOT lift all of the heavy weight of a friendship on your back ALONE. You just CANT. Furthermore – if your friends have problems that are out of your control – you should NEVER blame yourself! What you're doing … is the correct thing to do – I m ean… you're helping them out – giving them psychologial support. But never blame yourself hun… you just can't!

I'm sick and tired of being the punching bag or the secret box or the stress reliever. I'm sick and tired of being the ugly duckling. If your friends run to you, you definiitely are serving them a purpose, wh

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Quote:

I wish I wasn't so shallow…

I wish I could do more for my friends…

I wish I didn't feel like this…

I wish I could care more…

I wish I… I just wish.

Rani, you are a wonderful friend! And in this forum, all of your great qualities are never concealed *hug*

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