[kavita_0026]

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I am so miserable. I feel like a zombie. I feel so robbed… robbed so brutally time and time again. How much longer can I hold on before I fall into my own fire and burn in it once again? Because I always burn in my own fire. I light the fire, I ignite it, I add more wood to it, I burn in it, I am the fire, and in the end, I am the smoke that hovers in the air, still suffering long after the fire has been burned out.

Rani, if you are the stem of all the bad things you're feeling, maybe you can try to change those things in you that cause you to feel bad.

Sighs, and sometimes, thats damn hard.

I dont know specifically what you're referring to, but I can say that I know a part of what you're feeling.

I wish that all the energy that is used up to burn and suffer you, will some day be used up to expose what a wonderful creature you are … it will be used up for goodness, to convince you that you are way more that what you think you are, it will be used up to make you realize that you don't need to go through all this pain.

Strive for it. But until then, express what you feel. Vent it all out. Let nothing suffocate your chest. Let nothing be left unsaid (even to yourself). Apart of life is understanding yourself and who you really are. And I think its horribly hard to do. Its not a fast task. Its a process.

Others, we, see who you are. We love you, because you're our Rani, and you're special to us. We know you.

*hugs* Feel better soon. Love you jaan <3

p.s – Im listening to Chalo Jane Do and its so reminding me of you! It calms you down so much! Listen to it! Like, right now! Hug

[kavita_0026]

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I could really, really, REALLY, REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY use Senor Saab's comforting words right now… I feel so useless and worthless and pointless and lifeless… I could do with him pointing out what a wonderful girl I am… ha. Sigh.

blinded by someone who utters sweet and comforting yet fake words…i feel sorry for you.

u dont need him to point out…u shud know yrself.

*Ahem* Im sensing some jealousy in the air

[kavita_0026]

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Ahahahahahahhahaa… Kavita – genuine question: when was the last time you watched a recent Bollywood film?

Lol. Good one. The last Bollywood movie I watched was Saawariya.

I knew Hrithik kissed Aishwariya in Dhoom 2 (yuck) and Shahrukh's exposure of all that abs in Om Shanti Om was a bit too much for me,

I kinda felt mad at him lolz, its just not that simple, sweet Shahrukh I used to know! But who cares, he's Shahrukh, and he doesnt do it

that often.

But that movie … Murder … um – um – thats such a No No!

[kavita_0026]

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Your professor is right – my father always says that too.

But then again, a 76 (yes, really!!) year old Philosophy student (!! I know!! I have SO much respect for the guy…) I was talking to was saying to me how, if we didn't have extremes, we wouldn't have as strong a hold on our perspective of where we stand in the spectrum… he says he likes the extreme stuff some philosophers write because he can study their viewpoint and say “No, I don't agree, that is total nonsense.”… and it helps him to understand and appreciate HIS OWN perspective in the spectrum a lot more… am I making any sense here? lol..

Wow, a 76 year old Philosophy student!! Thats… wow!! Yes you are making sense. And he's right too. I guess there is some positive thing about extremes … but that is in, some cases, not all.

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My twin is right… Lyn is a beautiful nickname for you!

Yes, I like it! Twin?? ohhh I have a twin too!! I met her on internet!!

*Ahem* Is everyone doing this now?

And, Lyn is a cute nickname!

[kavita_0026]

What on EARTH ?!! I just went on youtube to listen to that song cos I thought it sounded kinda nice when Akshay was singing it in that video.

But, are you serious?!!!!! Is all that kissing and rubbing up even LEGAL for indian movies? They were actually kissing!!! Like really kissing. Indian people, in an indian movie, kissing! For a very long time!! And he's all up on her like

I dont even know what to say right now. I never knew this evolved in indian movies!

Sighs, what happened to the thing that made us unique!!

[kavita_0026]

Rani, thanks for the personal translation!! How scweet of you!

Darnnnn, the song by itself was soooooooooo relaxing, calming and just beautiful!

Now that i've seen what it actually means, it is truely amazing. I

If someone's mad at you and you show them this song(with translated lyrics if needed), they should melt

[kavita_0026]

No problemo

Em, I dont know. I guess it was going on for quite some period, it all feels so normal!

Damn, it does. I dont even know why I brought that up.

How's it going over there?

[kavita_0026]

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What if we have no feelings to let out?

Anyone experiencing that right now … ?

I'd really really wish to know?

I don't know… I have a lot of feelings, just having a hard time describing them or wording them. Maybe you're having the same problem and you're just mistaking it for no feelings?

Nope, its not that I cant explain them or have a hard time describing them.

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You are lucky.

Maybe I am. Its so weird how 'extremes' are always bad. Feeling things to the point where they're killing you, is bad. And not feeling things to the point where you cant connect with anything, is also bad. Why the heck cant we find out place in between that dumb continuum?

But I'd kinda say that you're lucky. At least you're kinda feeling something. And its gonna get you somewhere.

One of my professors was once talking about test taking anxiety. He said that some anxiety is NEEDED, it must be there. If the person has absolutely no anxiety and dont care a %$& about taking that test, its guaranteed that that person will do really bad. And if the person has way too much anxiety, they'll just be too nervous to do anything, and they'll also do really bad. Again, the extremes. At first we found it weird that he'd say that some sort of anxiety is needed/essential. But after he explained what he was trying to say, he made it very clear that without no anxiety, a person would be careless and unsucessful. I guess what Im trying to say here is that the no anxiety state is that 'i dont care' state, and it gets you no where.

But what does this have to do with me not feeling stuff? Gooosh. I guess I dont care either. lol.

[kavita_0026]

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I'm having so much difficulty concentrating of late… I can't work out why it is, and it is scaring me to death. It's like… I can see where I am going to head if I don't concentrate, but yet… I can't. Is it just this day and age, when we have a million and one distractions such as our phones, Facebook, MSN, T.V., music, movies, the forum, etc? (Though I really shouldn't put the forum in that category, the forum actually HELPS me to focus, for some odd reason!! Well, thats because the forum is special People in real life are just trouble. lol. ) Or is it just me? Why don't I feel motivated to work hard any more? I used to be able to work for hours on end (ha.. no really!), I used to take pride in my work. Now… I just don't care. Are you getting that 'I dont care feeling' too? Where the freaking heck does it come from? And how the hell does it manage to overcome us ???? Afterall, we are productive when we care about what we're doing. We PROGRESS when we actually care about how much it means to progress and how much it means to fall backwards, or stay in the same place.

Am I following the wrong career path? Why is it so hard to work hard? Hard work always makes for a more fruitful life, I have always believed that. Hard work – despite throwing you into the irritatingly noisy, grinding cogs of monotony – opens up a whole new world of creativity; it really does allow you to open your mind, and feel all that more refreshed for having worked hard. It opens you up to new lessons and new thoughts, and clears out the cobwebs of old confusions. I still remember the feeling of having achieved something through hard work. Despite being in a stuffy room indoors, it felt like my body was physically soaring through the open fields… I could literally smell the feeling of freedom, the fresh grass and the open winds around me. I wish you all the best with finding that inner freedom again *hug

I feel sad – more than anything else, I feel sad that I seem to have… well, lost my mojo. I feel sad that my intelligence (goddamnit I know I am one intelligent person)… (OK I don't have a clue why this is coming out in italics! But anyway…) seems to be rotting away and more horribly, I am not even doing anything about it. I KNOW that intelligence needs to be looked after and nurtured well, like a plant, for it to grow… and yet, I am seeing myself neglect it and I don't seem to be that worried about it. Heck yes you are an intelligent person! Look at the way you write ! You still got it Boo dear … You are still the same great person we've all come to know. If you feel you lack something, or you are on the path of lacking something … do you think, perhaps its just because you're not actively /usingdoing that 'thing'? … referring to whichever 'work' you were always taken up with.. Try to start a new project. I know it may be hard, but you'll see – that you can do it. If only you start, you will finish it. Its not that you've lost something. You've still got it. But maybe you're not making it visible to yourself. Its like a brilliant proc

[kavita_0026]

What if we have no feelings to let out?

Anyone experiencing that right now … ?

I'd really really wish to know?

[kavita_0026]

Nah not slow, just … emm, uninformed

But damn! Our Sush!!! Im so proud of her!

That scene sounds great Boo. I have an obsession with candles lol. I really like them. I hope you soak up in that wonderful, scented air!

[kavita_0026]

Nothing wrong with a lil spicing up around here

[kavita_0026]

Yes! Please relax! Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

[kavita_0026]

Hey Joselyn, thats just how Oreo/Serio is with everyone. If he disses you, brush off what he says, or, it wont hurt to diss him back muhahaha

[kavita_0026]

I was just on youtube watching a video, and I came upon a video saying that Sushmita Sen was Miss. Universe.. so I clicked it and, OMG!!!

I didnt know our gorgeous Sush was once Miss India and Miss Universe!!! DAMN girl ! And her answers to those questions were really sweet! But she looked totally different from how she looks now. YAY Sushhh !!!!! <3

[kavita_0026]

Lol. I cant wait for you to show how much love you have in store

[kavita_0026]

Which song are these lyrics from … ? If I find the song, I can check up the lyrics … and get the translation

[kavita_0026]

Rani > Okay, If I must … Now, when you're having a tard moment, you'll be far from blind, and you'll be able to share with us all those tard thoughts shooting through your mind Lol, when passing the cursor over this smiley, it says 'Geeked' lol. Rani, I just geeked you [:0]

Tayaba > You SOooooOOOooooo do have kissable schmexiii gorgeous lipps! No wonder EVERYONE is bringing up the topic!

> Rani, that video made my day too! Like seriously! Especially Rani… sheesh, she's so pretty in green! And her voice is so enjoyable. . Rani is aweseome man!

OMG, Amir Khan can really sing, but in that video it wasnt all that great. After watching that scene in Faana where he and Kajol sings, I was so impressed with Amir's voice, he really can sing!

Yes Yes Yes! I saw the song from Bhoothnath that Juhi sang. Its absolutely amazzingggg. I dont know what the words mean, but its such a calming, sweet song. Juhi really is blessed to have a voice like that. Oh I just loved Sush's expression when she figured out that Juhi was singing with her own voice. Sush has the prettiest smile ever! She's so freaking gorgeous, she's so natural.

[kavita_0026]

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I guess I should have said, 'Under no circumstances do we compliment him.'

Hahahhahahaha…. now you're going to make him think we actually want to compliment him but we don't because we don't want his head to get too big but at the same time we do want to compliment him, when actually we totally don't.

Nahh, that would have just spelled out an important rule for the newcomers

Hey Joselyn, its okay, he doesnt hate you. Thats how he shows his love around here

[kavita_0026]

Me too! I became obsessed with that video for a while! Its cool to see bollywood actors and actresses not stealing the voices of others! I love Rani's voice, Juhi's – amazing, Aishwariya's voice is soo soo sweet, but I think she should have chosen a better song!

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