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Happy Birthday dii…
The day of your birthday… I went to a friend's house who was also celebrating a birthday. I couldn't help but think of you as the cake was being cut and the birthday wishes were being screamed out. For a moment I forgot where I was and felt as if I was in your presence. I felt as if you were cutting the cake and I was the one singing happy birthday to you and wishing you many more wonderful birthdays to come.
That day I listened to Tu Jahaan on repeat… and I let the tears flow in your yaad. 
Your favorite flowers…
Ek haath mein phool, dusre haath mein zindagi.
Dua karti hoon ke tumhari zindagi hamesha phoolon se hi saji ho. I hope you had an amazing birthday… with my jeeju, your Saahil.
I hope it was one of the best birthdays you have ever had, and I hope the rest of your birthdays are even better than this one. I wish you a lifetime of happiness… tu jahaan chale, khushi tumhare saath hi chale. I wish you many many more wonderful birthdays to come. And may you share each one of those birthdays with the people you love most. Ameen. I love you, dii. -
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I miss you, dii…
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Rani – what you have done is so WONDERFUL… I should probably do that too… make a montage of Khushi-isms, to look back on and sigh and smile with and learn from…
Oh, reading her words makes me so nostalgic for old days… listening to Le Chale on repeat is not helping, either!!
Reading this made me think – it's so hard to come across such true, pure gems of friendships in life… and perhaps the internet makes it easier because we can speak our hearts freely, without any inhibitions because we don't actually *know* the persons reading our thoughts… I always thought it so cutely oddly funnily sigh-ish that I found my soulmate, my beautiful soulmate, online. I don't think it matters either way, of course, but it's just interesting that it happened to be on the internet. I wish Khushi was here so she could listen to me ramble nonsense… we always used to ramble to either other like this… little sparks of thoughts that she saw and understood and appreciated before they disappeared…
And of course, this is not to say I don't have such special friendships in the 'physical' life, but… you know what I mean!Looking back on my life – no one, no damn one, has loved me like Khushi has done. Of course, it is not possible for any one person to love you like any other, but I mean in the sense that her passion for me is quite literally unrivalled. Only two other people come to mind when I think of my life (and I find it – again – so odd that one is also from the interwebs…) and who has loved me in such a special and precious way, but even they… I don't know how to explain it. Khushi was special. Hell, she is special. And she always will be – wherever she goes, whatever she does, whatever she becomes. After a year of 'trial', she has 'proved' herself so beautifully… and for those moments – for that one year and a bit, and that one year and a bit alone – I have willingly given her all of my heart. I have willingly showed her corners of my soul that only a soulmate can see, and I will always hold on to those moments of joy.
I would be lying – yes, I would quite honestly be lying if I said I miss her so much. Missing causes too much pain, and too many tears, and I will forever keep going round in circles if I keep on missing her…. and yet, I would quite honestly also be lying if I were to say I don't wish she was back in my life… oh Khushi, only you can bring out all the paradoxes in me… there is never one moment in my life that has gone by when I didn't wish I could just… see her being herself again. I miss her presence, I miss her. Not for my sake, for me to talk my life out with her or anything, but… for my sake (see??!! SEE??!! Khushboo, only you can do this to me… you fool… if I ever meet you I will first of all chase you around with my chappal for bringing out these inexplicably crazy feelings from within me… I swear to you I will…), just so I can see her be herself.
I don't wonder where she is now, what she is doing now. To a certain extent, I don't particularly care where she is now or what she is doing now… but I always, always wonder if she is happy… for so long, she has prayed every night for me to have a peaceful night's sleep, I always wonder if she is getting that herself. I always wonder if she hears a song and sees her Boo, her Khushboo, in it. I always wonder if she goes past moments in life, feeling my presence in them for some magical miraculous reason. I always wonder if there is a smile in her eyes, a peaceful one, whenever she sees the sunrise and sunset. I wonder if words from a flowing conversation remind her of me, and if her heart smiles. I always, always, always wonder if she still remembers her Boo. I wonder if she is happy. Not happy, bu
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Boo, that was simply beautiful.
And the “montage of Khushi-isms” is what gives me comfort on days I miss her the most…
Quote:… little sparks of thoughts that she saw and understood and appreciated before they disappeared…I know exactly what you mean…
Quote:Khushi was special. Hell, she is special. And she always will be – wherever she goes, whatever she does, whatever she becomes. After a year of 'trial', she has 'proved' herself so beautifully… and for those moments – for that one year and a bit, and that one year and a bit alone – I have willingly given her all of my heart.She truly is special. I always thought that if someone were to leave my life, then they would leave my mind as well. Like we were saying, the whole “outta sight, outta mind thing” the other night… but it's not even like that. Yes, she may have physically left my life, but she's still in my heart, in my thoughts, in my emotions. She hasn't left me, and I haven't let her. The extent of my love for her even though she hasn't physically been here for so long surprises me. I don't know if this would have been possible with someone else.
Quote:I would be lying – yes, I would quite honestly be lying if I said I miss her so much. Missing causes too much pain, and too many tears, and I will forever keep going round in circles if I keep on missing her…. and yet, I would quite honestly also be lying if I were to say I don't wish she was back in my life… oh Khushi, only you can bring out all the paradoxes in me… there is never one moment in my life that has gone by when I didn't wish I could just… see her being herself again. I miss her presence, I miss her. Not for my sake, for me to talk my life out with her or anything, but… for my sake (see??!! SEE??!! Khushboo, only you can do this to me… you fool… if I ever meet you I will first of all chase you around with my chappal for bringing out these inexplicably crazy feelings from within me… I swear to you I will…), just so I can see her be herself.I don't wonder where she is now, what she is doing now. To a certain extent, I don't particularly care where she is now or what she is doing now… but I always, always wonder if she is happy… for so long, she has prayed every night for me to have a peaceful night's sleep, I always wonder if she is getting that herself. I always wonder if she hears a song and sees her Boo, her Khushboo, in it. I always wonder if she goes past moments in life, feeling my presence in them for some magical miraculous reason. I always wonder if there is a smile in her eyes, a peaceful one, whenever she sees the sunrise and sunset. I wonder if words from a flowing conversation remind her of me, and if her heart smiles. I always, always, always wonder if she still remembers her Boo. I wonder if she is happy. Not happy, but happy. And I know she knows there is a difference between the two.
You don't know how much these two paragraphs have helped ease my pain of missing her. Yes, I miss her. But it's like you said, for the sake of seeing her be herself. I couldn't put it into words, but you've done it for me…
Yes, I still wonder where she is and what she's doing and how she's feeling and if she thinks of me and if she remembers all the beautiful conversati -
I really love you, twin ji, I really do.
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Sometimes I wish she could see me the way I am today. I've changed so much, I think. My opinions and my thoughts and my faith in myself has changed so much. Sometimes I wish she could see me like this. And I know I'll continue to change even more with life, because each challenge, each circumstance, each situation will help me to grow and gain new perspectives. But I wish she could see the process… see me turn into the person I'll become one day.
She is the person who I know would tell me if I was doing something wrong. She is the person who would tell me which path to give up on, and which path to begin with. She if the person who would encourage me. She is the person who would catch me if I were to stumble. She is the person who would turn herself into a punching bag for me and let me be angry. She is the person who would overlook all my tantrums and anger. She is the person who would take away my anger and help me be calm. She is the person that would understand me.
She is the person who would give me credit for all that I'm not able to give credit for myself. She is the person who would appreciate all that I do for everyone around me. She is the person who would assure me that I truly am doing something for everyone around me. She is the one who would tell me to appreciate myself. She is the person who would give me countless reasons to let me know that I have so much in me to appreciate. She is the person who would recognize the beauty in me and then turn herself into a mirror so that I could see the beauty in myself. She is the person that would understand me.
But Allah (SWT) truly does everything for a reason. And maybe when I meet her once again (phir milenge chalte chalte), when she sees the person I have become, maybe she will be the one to tell me that I have grown and found myself without her. That I have done it all by myself. And that in itself would teach me a whole new lesson.
I love you, dii.
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LOL I just wrote a blog about her using everything I said in this thread!
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Happy Birthday Khushi! I'm sorry I'm late… life is crazy right now. I hope you enjoyed your day, I hope you've enjoyed all your days since we last spoke … wow how time flies. I know you'll be happy wherever you are, and I know you can feel just how loved you are here.
Keep smiling and take care of yourself!
much love,
Tabz… (Your fellow Subway buddy
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ahahhahaha… i could not agree more.
it just shows you're too lazy to post on her ACTUAL birthday, so you posted too early.. lmao… lazy boy.
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ahahhahaha… i could not agree more.
it just shows you're too lazy to post on her ACTUAL birthday, so you posted too early.. lmao… lazy boy.
as i said..im wayyyy too advance for u people. please try to keep up, ok?
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